alone has multiple defenitions

Many people believe that love is the ultimate goal. sometimes I ask my self if I were happier alone? how did I go from being single for 18 years to being in a committed relationship for the last 4 years? I was with two different people but I mean when you move so quickly from one to the next its hard to know whether your connecting with someone or trying to forget something. I can fully say that I have lost myself. I thought I was getting back to being me but now that I'm 22 I don't know who I want to be anymore, all I know is that I'm with you and I'm in this house and this is all what I wanted? I want to be free. I want to answer to only myself...can you do that in a relationship.